Funny And Hilarious Good Pickup Lines - The Best Pick Up Lines ever told

• That’s a cute (or big, great) dog! What breed is he?
• Don’t you work at __________(name of company)________?
• Wasn’t that a great song? (or show or group or drummer, etc.)
• Can you show me how to pick a ripe melon? (in the grocery store)
• My dog just died.
• Do you want to come back to my place and watch Sports Center?
• My dad always said I’d meet a great girl someday.
• Would you want to take our dogs to the dog park Sunday?
• Would you want to go jogging Saturday?
• There’s a baseball (football, soccer, basketball, hockey) game on Saturday. Want to go?
• Don’t you go to __________(name of gym, high school or college)___________?
• Aren’t you ___________(girl’s or guy’s name)__________ friend?
• Have you ever seen the ___________________ Museum?
• Do you surf? (Or rollerblade, mountain bike, ski, jog, etc.)
• I love wineries. How about you?
• Try some of this Merlot (or Chablis, Chardonnay, Muscat Cannelli)
• Have you read __________(name of book)___________ ? (in a bookstore)
• Could I join you? This place is really busy! (in a crowded restaurant or coffee bar)
• Have you tried the Mocha Caramel Frappuchino? (in a coffee bar)
• What a great cat (or dog or whatever)! (at a vet’s)
• Would you like to meet for coffee sometime? (Send a note over with your name and phone number.)
• (Note sent over with your name) Meet me here next Saturday night at 8. I’ll carry a red rose.
• (To a man with red hair) You’ve got a Howdy Doody face, but it’s sure cute!
• Do you want to get out of here?
• I want you to have my children; they’re in the car outside.
• I’ll be your slave tonight.
• You have a gorgeous smile.
• The only thing your eyes don’t say is your name.
• I’m on a scavenger hunt and one of the things I need is a gorgeous woman.
• You must be the reason I don’t have a date tonight.
• I’m a misunderstood genius.

Funny And Hilarious Stupid Pickup Lines - The Dumb, Sad Pick Up Lines Ever Told

• Your eyes are all red, my favorite color.
• Spill a drink on someone and say, “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes…at my place.”
• I have an “owie” on my _(body part)__. Will you kiss it and make it better?
• Are you going out with me, or do I have to stalk you?
• I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I sure could make your bed rock.
• Asians float my boat.
• Call me, but if another chick (or guy) answers, hang up.
• My feet smell like Doritos.
• Do you ever record your farts?
• Are you a ho? Because I have money, bitch.
• How much?
• Can I warm my hands in your hot breasts?
• Are your nipples pierced?
• Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
• You’re ugly, but you interest me.
• For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.
• I live with my mom, but she doesn't care when my other friends come over to play naked Super Saiyan. Lights out by 9 and we must be asleep by 9:30.
• Is that your sister? She has really big ta-ta's for a fourteen-year old.
• Beer can be a real miracle drug. I couldn't control my herpes without it.
• I'm so glad you agreed to go out with me. I just started using Viagra, and I've been wanting to see how well it works.
• I'm glad we're going out. I got eight kids at home that need a new mama.
• Man your friend looks incredible! Can I have her number just in case things don't work out with you tonight?
• There’s a bed in my van.\
• (For high-school kids) Do you ever ditch school?
• Do you sleep naked?
• (To a man) I think I’m a Lesbian.
• (To a woman) I’m bisexual.
• Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m really horny, let’s go and screw.
• (Man to woman) What’s your favorite colour? (Reply) Mine’s boobs!

Funny And Hilarious Worst Pickup Lines - The Lamest Pick Up Lines Ever told

The worst pickup lines they could find and came up with this list. We thoroughly recommend reading this and having a little fun laughing at them, but we also recommend NOT using these lines in public. They could get you slapped or thrown out of a bar or club, but they will not help you meet someone new. (Not someone you'd probably be interested in anyway.

• When you date as many prostitutes, strippers, and junkies as I do, it's nice to finally be going out with a classy woman like you!
• That Big Mac and fries cost $5.24. That means when we go to my place later you owe me $5.24 worth of poontang.
• If we're stopped by the cops this is your brother's car and you don't know what's in the trunk!
• There are three words I want to tell you...."You're Too Fat."
• Remember when the stripper comes over I do the tipping.
• Are you one of Charlie’s angels, or one of Satan’s skanks?
• (Man to woman): Wow, you kiss like my sister.
• (Woman to man): Wow, you kiss like my father.
• My wife doesn't mind that I have girlfriends. They usually baby sit the kids when I take her out.
• If you’re into booty, my butt is so big, I could moon Europe!
• Do you want to go for a ride in my car? It’s a hot rod!
• I usually date attractive girls, but I've decided I really should be with someone more like you.
• Wanna free my willy? It’s a whale of a job.
• Let's cut to the chase baby…how much?
• So let me get this straight, yes means yes, and no means tie you up, right?
• Know anywhere to hide a body?
• All the voices in my head agree: You look beautiful.
• Baby, you look so good I'd bang you in front of my wife's attorney.
• I had to kill my (boyfriend/girlfriend) last week. I had to put (him/her) out of my misery.
• No need to buy any popcorn, I snuck this whole bucket of fried chicken skin into the movies so we could eat for free.
• So which movie do you want to see? "Lord of the Rings?" I heard that was good! I'll be watching "Black Hawk Down". I'll meet you in the lobby when it's over.
• I can't believe the car broke down. Could you walk to a service station and call a cab?
• Do you want to get Mexican food? Tom likes Mexican food. Mexican food makes Tom fart. Why are you looking at Tom that way?
• Didn’t I see you on the cover of Cosmo?
• I don’t like to wear nylons. When I fart, it looks like I have epilepsy.
• I got divorced today. I was kind of down before, but it’s OK now; she’s still my sister.
• Let’s get hammered, and then I’ll nail ya!
• Want a tic-tac? (No, thanks.) Please! Take one!
• (To a middle-aged person) At our age, what can we count on in life? Depends, I guess.
• (Holding a quarter) Heads it’s your place; tails it’s mine.
• What’s with the unibrow look?
• Didn’t I see you at Overeaters Anonymous?
• Whatever you’re thinking, I hope it’s X-rated.
• Which one of you gals wants to come home with me and cook dinner?

Funny And hilarious Cheesy Pickup Lines - The Cheesiest Pick Up Lines Ever Told

Cheesy pickup lines are good for more than just getting a laugh. With the right attitude and the right delivery, even the cheesiest pick up line can help you to stand out from the other men hanging out at the bar. And reading through some of the cheese on this page might make you a little more comfortable coming up with your own original lines, too. Enjoy these "cheesy pickup lines".

• Do you like short love affairs? I hate them - I've got all weekend
• I’ve never seen anyone as gorgeous as you, and I’ve been in more bars than a gigolo on speed.
• So, what’s up with him (or her)?
• Don’t you work at Hooters?
• I’ve only got three months to live.
• I leave for Iraq (or any war zone) tomorrow.
• Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
• Will you help the homeless? Take me home with you.
• Is farting an issue with you?
• Pardon me while I fart.
• I’m recovering from surgery.
• Is that your ass, or does your back have the mumps?
• I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
• You look like Pamela Anderson’s sister.
• Let’s go see Talladega Nights and Beer Fest!
• Do you like beer and football? (To a woman)
• Do you like opera? (To a man)
• Man to woman: I’ll bet getting a date with you is more difficult than a five-finger prostate exam.
• (Slur the words a little, but make it funny): Would you like to trip the fight lantastic?
• Is that pizza I smell?
• Are you from New York?
• Are you looking for a shallow relationship?
• I like older women.
• Can you get the drinks? I need bail money.
• So, what are you...about a double D?
• Is there a lion in your jungle?
• I’m a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?
• Are you a natural blonde?
• You look like an underwear model.
• I’ll bet there’s a tiger in your tank!
• I’m like the Energizer bunny; I just keep goin’ and goin’ and goin’.
• Put your arms around me, honey. Hold me tight! Let’s cuddle up and cuddle up with all our might!
• If we’re going to have sex later, you probably should be there.
• If buns were a status symbol, you’d be on the A List!
• I’ve got a condom with your name on it!
• Your butt is so good, it’s a shame you have to sit on it.
• Feel like getting’ pissed?
• You’re the cutest zombie I’ve ever seen.
• Heyyyyy…sweet thing.
• Some men go around telling women they have an eight inch penis; I’d never shortchange myself like that!

Funny And Hilarious Dirty Pickup Lines - Off Colour Pick Up Lines, Dirty Pickup Lines To Tell

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Funny And Hilarious Sweet Pickup Lines : Sweet Pickup Lines To Tell

If you want to pick up sweet young women, you need to use sweet pickup lines. This page brings you the sweetest pickup lines we could find. We've culled through all kinds of sweet and sappy doggerel and selected only the most sugary pickup lines on this page for your edification and amusement. Enjoy.

Hi! I’m __(name)__

You look like my favorite cousin!

Don’t leave yet! We haven’t had a chance to talk!

Would you go to church with me on Sunday?

I don’t run around, get drunk, or use drugs. Also, I have a good job and a nice home. People say I’m boring; maybe that’s why I’m alone.

You remind me of someone I knew in high school.

Did I tell you that my great-uncle was a personal friend of Billy Graham?

What do you think the apostle Paul meant when he said, 'Greet everyone with a holy kiss'?

You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa.

Before tonight, I never believed in predestination.

That’s a nice Bible.

I Only Respond to Sweet Pickup LinesI know a church where we could go and talk.

How about a hug, sister?

Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy.

What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a Bible study?

You want to come over and watch "The Ten Commandments" tonight?

Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?

Have you ever tried praying at a drive-in movie before?

You know, they say that you've never really dated until you date a Christian.

Excuse me, but I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.

My friend told me to come and meet you; he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah, that's his name.

Don’t you attend ____________(name of church)______________?

Do you want to share my umbrella?

I’ll change that tire for you.

I’m a good cook, I like to clean the house, and I can’t tand the thought of spending a Sunday in front of the TV, watching sports. If you would like to come over some weekend, I’d love to cook for you. (Man to woman)

You are the answer to my prayers.

God must have been in a great mood the day he made you!

Sweetness is my weakness.

(In church) May I offer you a light for your candle?

I don’t have a pick-up line; I’m just me. I don’t come here all the time, but I thought you looked like a decent, pretty woman who might want to meet someone nice.

Best Funny And Hilarious Pickup Lines Online : MUST READ

If you're looking for the best pickup lines, the ones that are most likely to work, then this is the right site and you're here at the right time. Please use these lines at your own risk; we're not responsible for how many women you pick up using these. But remember this - the best women respond to the best "lines", not the "bad pickup lines".

To a person carrying a camera: “That’s a big lens!” or “That’s a fantastic camera!”

Oh, I love your dog! Can I pet him?

I just moved here. What’s fun to do?

May I have the last dance?

Is this seat taken?

Walk up to a woman at a restaurant or in a bar): May I join you? If she says yes, drop your BMW or Lexus keys on the table and smile.)

You’re making the other women in here look really bad!

Do you want to dance?

Can I buy you a drink?

Isn’t your email address: beautifullady@mydreams.com?

I Only Respond to the Best Pickup LinesDo you want to go home now?

I couldn't pay attention in school (work) today because I couldn't stop thinking about you.

How much does a Polar Bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hi!

Hi, my name is (insert name here).

I know what a hamper, washer, and shower are. And I use them every day.

Aren’t you one of those Desperate Housewives?

Didn’t I see you on the red carpet? (after the Oscars or Emmys)

Do you know how to cook artichokes? (at the supermarket)

Does your kid go to _______(name of elementary school your kid goes to)________?

Do you like to salsa dance?

You look like a nice guy (or lady).

Wait for a good song and say, “Dance? Maybe this will be our song.”

(If you know the guy or gal has kids): I’m taking my kids to the beach on Saturday. Want to come with yours? (or the zoo, park, circus, movies)

Do you play poker?

You look like a fun gal (or guy).

Have you been to _________(name of popular club)__________________.

I’m looking for a long term relationship.

Weren’t you on Survivor?

Once upon a time, a great guy met a beautiful girl in a bar (or wherever you are). Hi.

(On Halloween): You look dead sexy. Uh, you look dead, sexy. Well, you know what I mean!

(At the dog park or on the street): Can I borrow your pooper scooper?

How’s it goin’?

Would you watch my coat for a minute? (Go to the restroom and return. Then, thank the other person and introduce yourself.)

(Approach a woman who is being hit on by a guy and obviously not liking it and say): Hey, Marcie just went to the restroom in tears. Would you check on her? (When she returns, after the other guy has left, start a conversation.)

And I thought we had pretty girls (or good looking men) where I come from!

Funny And Hilarious Corny Pickup Lines We've Heard

Want a laugh? Then check our some of these corny pickup lines. (Some of the corniest pickup lines worked with some of the coolest women, I seem to remember.)

*If I get hooked on you, will you hook up with me?
*You’re so beautiful; your birthday should be a national holiday.
*Let’s have a drink; we’ll make beautiful music together.
*Are there any more like you at home?
*Do you come here often?
*I’m a raindrop, and I’m fallin’ for you!
*I must be lost. I thought Paradise was east of here.
*(Gray-haired person says): There’s snow on my roof, but fire in my furnace.
*People call me Isaac Hayes; can I give you the shaft?
*Do you like karaoke? We could make some beautiful music together.
*I’d like to give you CPR!
*Did you ever think we’d meet like this?
*(Singing) Did you ever see a dream walkin’?
*Hubba! Hubba! Hubba!
*Will you be my neighbor?
*Tonight’s the night, right?
*My wife doesn’t understand me.
*Baby, baby, I’m fallin’ in love, fallin’ in love again.
*Do you like to bake? (Yes.) I’d love to feel your hot-cross buns.
*Your name must be Lucky Charms because you’re magically delicious!
*You’re once, twice, three times a lady.
*I’m a math teacher. One plus two equals me and you.
*Don’t let me be the one that got away!
*I've been told I have the cool sexual prowess of a Romulan.
*Hey, baby! What’s happening!
*Your name is Susan? Can I call you Susie? (Yes) Great, what’s your number? (No) Then you call me!

Hilarious And Funny Pickup Lines To Make Her Laugh

Looking for new, funny pickup lines? You've come to the right place. Readers from all over the Internet submit their favorite pickup lines here, and we've categorized them into topics. The funny lines get their own page, and are in fact our most popular category. We think you'll like these - and you might even find some of them effective!

*I have a small winky, but a big bank account.
*I just got out of Leavenworth. Can I steal you a drink? How about a BMW?
*I have a dirty weekend planned. Do you know what I’m going to do? Three loads of laundry.
*I’m going to commit suicide on Saturday. What are you doing Friday?
*The area around this place isn’t too safe. Would you like to go on a drive by? You can have the first shot.
*I tend to be a pretty responsible person. I’ve got a wife and kids…somewhere.
*You’re beautiful. You remind me of Whitney Houston before she met Bobby Brown. You’re not on crack, too, are you?
*I’ve just been diagnosed schizophrenic. Can I buy me a drink?
*Do you know the best way to stop back pain and lose 20 pounds? Get a penis reduction; it worked for me!
*I believe in reincarnation; where have you been all my past lives
*Funny Pickup Lines Make Me Hot!Tomorrow, I’ll have enough money to buy you anything you want and take you wherever you want to go – all you need to do is drive the getaway car.
*Have you ever considered having an interracial relationship? I may be white from the waist up, but I’m black from the waist down.
*Women don’t understand me. They think I have more issues than Life magazine.
*Men don’t understand me. They think I carry around more baggage than The Orient Express.
*Would you believe me if I told you I have a house on the beach? No? How about an apartment with seven roommates in Santa Monica? That’s more realistic – and we have rent control.
*If I’m not home by ten, the voices in my head start yelling at me.
*Would you mind if I stalked you while you’re here? Think of it this way: You’re in a popular singles bar with your number-one fan.
*Don’t mind me; people think that I’m a clown. Just watch out for these large shoes and the big horn in my pocket.
*My favorite singer is Mick Jagger. He can’t get no satisfaction, and neither can I. Want to help me change that?
*Would you like to sit in on my psychology class? I need something for show and tell.
*I quit my job today. I was a Beverly Hills gigolo. With all the demanding clients, overtime, and hazard pay, I figured that twenty years and a few million dollars is enough!
*My website is like MySpace.com. It’s called MyPlace.com; want to see it?
*Did I tell you I’m filthy rich and my mother’s dead?
*Remember me from group therapy? You’re the nymphomaniac, and I’m the lonely guy.
*Hi! I make more money than Bill Gates.
*I haven’t seen my ex-wife for over ten years. Nobody else has either; I’ll never tell.
*Can I buy you a drink? I still have some money left from that bank job I pulled the other day.
*Hi, I’m rich, and my name is ________.
*What’s your name? (Response) Oh, I thought it was Campbell’s, ‘cause you are mmm...mmm good.
*Levi’s should pay you a royalty.
*I used to live life in the fast lane. Now that I’m past 60, my only thrill is getting Meals on Wheels.
*Is your name Summer? It has to be, because you’re hot!
*What do you do for a living? I’m a proctologist; the sign on my office door says ‘park in rear.’
*You must work in a library because you just increased my circulation!
*Madam, I’m Adam.
*I hope I haven’t given you the wrong impression. I’m actually taller and richer than I look.
*Do you work at Subway?
*(In a gay bar): I just saw George Michael in the men’s room. He was asking about you.
*Remember that Beatles’ song, “All You Need Is Love?” Love is great, but, at my age, I’ll settle for regular bowel movements and a good night of TV.
*Want to go halfsies on a baby?
*I’ve been looking for a guy with a pocket protector!
*(As people leave a bar, stand by the door and say): Last chance before the freeway!
*My name is ____________. How do you like me so far?
*I cried at the end of “Boogie Nights.” That poor guy! He really got shortchanged!
*Would you like a gin and platonic or a Scotch and sofa?
*I can’t lie to anyone. I’m so transparent Stevie Wonder can see through me.
*Inheriting 80 million bucks isn’t much when you’ve got a weak hear
*(Speaking with a southern accent): Actually, Ma'am, ah'm not as tall as you think. Ah'm from Taixus and ah'm a sittin' on mah wallet.
*Would you like to see my boa constrictor?
*Hi, my friends call me Creepy. Were you a big fan of Jeffrey Dahmer too?
*This isn't a beer belly; it's a fuel tank for the love machine.
*"Urkuk lu Stalga." That's Klingon for "I love you baby."
*You ever been with a webmaster before? It's like nothing you've ever experienced.
*Once you make love to a man with Vulcan ears on, you never go back.
*You, me, here...this couldn't be better if I programmed the holodeck myself.
*You look just like Lois Lane in that skirt and I'm wearing my Superman underoos...it's either fate or the menacing hand of Lex Luthor at work.
*Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star Wars sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his light saber?
*Didn’t I see you in Girls Gone Wild?
*Where does this bus go anyway?
*People keep telling me that I’m overweight. Just because I buy my underwear in the extra-large equator size doesn’t mean I’m overweight – does it?
*I want you almost as much as I want world peace.
*Do you want to go for a ride on my bike? It’s a Schwinn, and I can pedal it really fast!
*People say I remind them of a cute teddy bear; I weigh 500 pounds, I’m really hairy, and I sleep all winter.
*If you come home with me, we can do whatever we want – as long as we don’t wake up my mom.

A woman is transferred to work in another city. After a few days, she sends a telegram

A woman is transferred to work in another city. After a few days, she sends a telegram to her husband who says:
"PLEASE SEND DOCUMENTS FOR DIVORCE IN EMERGENCY. I MEET AN IDEAL COMPANION THAT HAS THE SAME CHARACTERISTICS AS THE NEW FORD FUSION "

Curious, the husband goes to a dealer and asks the seller the characteristics of such a car and the seller answers:
- It is more powerful, longer, wider, accelerates faster, more beautiful and does not drink much.

Two weeks later, she receives a telegram from her husband saying:
"I SEND THE PAPERS OF DIVORCE. SIGNS FAST! I MEETING AN IDEAL COMPAGNIE. IT MEETS ALL THE QUALITIES OF THE NEW FORD RANGER »

Curious, the woman goes to a dealer and asks questions about this car. The seller answers him:
- It is more resistant, supports more weight, the lubrication is automatic, the body is new and rounder, more beautiful and more comfortable, it has double air-bag extra large, quieter, more economical, and in addition it accepts the hitch from behind.

In a bar, a man turns to a woman very

In a bar, a man turns to a woman very
attractive and told her:
- Would not we have seen each other somewhere?
The pretty lady answers in a loud voice:
- Yes, yes, we have already met at work. I
am the secretary of Dr. Girard, the disease specialist

She's a journalist going to a well-known guy and she tells him

She's a journalist going to a well-known guy and she tells him:
- Can I see your kitchen?
- Yes, it's here!
- You have a pretty dish!
- It's my ex-wife who gave it to me.
- Can I see your living room?
- With pleasure! Follow me.
- Your couch is beautiful!
- It's my ex-ex-wife who gave it to me.
- Can I see your bathroom?
- Yes, it's upstairs.
- Your towels are of a very beautiful color!
- This is my ex-ex-ex-wife who gave me.
- Can I see your room?
- Yes, it's next.
- Your bed is very comfortable!
- It was my ex-ex-ex-ex-wife who gave it to me.
- Beaver !!!!!! Then the journalist leaves. Intrigued, the guy calls his friend to ask him what does it mean when a woman calls you a beaver? Ignoring him, he advises him to check the dictionary. He searches and finds: Beaver: animal who builds his house with his tail.

A very upscale couple is looking for ways to save some money

A very upscale couple is looking for ways to save some money in the family budget:
- Marie-Angel, if you learned to cook, we could fire the cook, right?
- My dear, know that if you learn to make love, we could also fire the driver!

This story happens during a reception. Many of the guests have a lively discussion

The secret of woman
This story happens during a reception. Many of the guests have a lively discussion about female loyalty and male loyalty.
One of the women present speaks with brilliance:
"No woman, it's a fact, is able to keep a secret! "
"I do not agree at all," another gets angry, "I've managed to keep my age secret since I was 21 years old. "
A man intervenes in the conversation:
"I'm sure one day you'll betray yourself ..."
"It would surprise me," replies the woman, "When we have managed to keep a secret for 27 years, we can keep it until death. "

A comparative study on shopping at the supermarket

A comparative study on shopping at the supermarket
Women:
1. Park the car.
2. Take a shopping cart.
3. Fill it with useful things in record time.
4. Put purchases in bags rationally otherwise smart (which goes to the fridge in one bag, vegetables in another etc ... we save time when unpacking ...)
5. Pay.
6. Go home.
7. Unpack the bags and store the purchases.

Men:
1. Park the car.
2. Enter the store.
3. Get out to pick up a shopping cart.
4. Realize that you need a 1 euro coin.
5. Go and make money at the newsstand (or at the affinity according to affinities)
6. Take the opportunity to browse the team (or drink, to choose ...)
7. Take the shopping cart.
8. Make long all the rays lengthwise and wide.
9. Buy a pair of socks, 2 frozen pizzas, a pack of chips, pistachios, Strasbourg sausages and a comic book. Varied experience: An inflatable pool in winter, two helmets for babies (in case you ride a bike), some tools that could be used someday, lawn fertilise on sale (in January) ...
10. Do not bother with butter, milk, PQ, diapers, or anything else that is totally superfluous.
11. Store frozen foods in the same bag as socks and comics.
12. Succeed in finding the cashier with the slowest cashier.
13. Go home.
14. Put the shopping bag on the table.
15. Put the beers in a cool place.
16. Sit comfortably in an armchair, with comics and pistachios, waiting for the beer to be cool

Two men in their sixties are talking about aging and one says to the other ...

Two men in their sixties are talking about aging and one says to the other ... the worst is our women, they refuse to admit that they are getting older and are still trying to hide their sores.
You're right but me, I found a good thing to take them to the game ... if you want to know if your wife starts to be deaf, place yourself 10 meters from her and ask him a question. Then, when you see that she does not answer, go to 5 meters. Then at 2 meters. Then at 1 meter. And there, she will have to go to the evidence that she begins to become deaf!
The guy finds the idea very good and on his way home, he gets 10 meters from his wife and asks him in a loud voice, "what do we eat for supper?" No answer ... He then approaches at 5 meters and asks again, "what are we eating for supper?" No answer ... He gets closer, 2 meters away, and asks again, "what are we eating for supper?" No answer yet ... the guy can not believe it! He then approaches 1 meter and yells, "what are we eating for supper?"
His wife turns around and shouts, "FOR THE FOURTH TIME, LASAGNES!"

It is a woman who receives her lover at home while her husband is at work.

It is a woman who receives her lover at home while her husband is at work. One day when they are in bed, she hears the husband's car in the garage: He is coming home earlier than usual. She yells at her lover:
- Hurry up ! Grab your clothes and go through the window IMMEDIATELY!
The boyfriend looks at the window and says:
- I can not go out the window like that! It's raining ropes outside!
She answers him:
- If my husband comes back to the room and he sees you, he will kill us both!
Then the young man takes his clothes and goes through the window! Arriving on dry land, he finds himself in the middle of the annual municipal marathon. Then he starts to run alongside the other participants, despite the fact that he is completely naked with his clothes in his hand. His race neighbor then looks at him from the bottom up and says:
- Are you still running the marathon naked?
- Yes yes, this way I really feel an impression of total freedom.
- And you always take your clothes during the race?
- Yes of course, so I get dressed right at the end of the race and I go home by car!
- And you still wear a condom running?
- Oh no ! Only when it rains.

The inventor of Harley Davidson Motorcycles, Arthur Davidson, dies and goes to heaven

The inventor of Harley Davidson Motorcycles, Arthur Davidson, dies and goes to heaven.
At the door, St. Peter tells Arthur:
- "Since you have been a good man and your bikes have changed the world, your reward will be to meet God directly"
God recognizes Arthur and comments:
- "So, you are the inventor of the Harley Davidson motorcycle!"
Arthur says:
- "Yes it's me..."
God comments:
- "Well, there is nothing to be proud of for having invented something that is unstable, makes a lot of noise, pollutes outrageously and can not even work without a way ?!"
Arthur is embarrassed for a moment but ends up saying:
- "Excuse me, but are not you the inventor of the woman?"
God says:
- "Ah yes!"
"Well," says Arthur, "from professional to professional, you have serious design flaws in your invention:
1. There is no consistency in the design of the front bumper;
2. It slams and it constantly snaps at high speed;
3. The back is too soft and jerks too much.
4. The entrance is placed too close to the exit.
5. And the maintenance costs are excessive. "
"Hmmmm, you have good points there" replies God, "Wait!"
God goes to his celestial computer and says a few words.
The computer prints the results and God reads them to Arthur:
"It's true that there are defects in my invention," says God, "but according to a survey, there are more men who ride my invention than yours!"

"Honey," said the husband to his wife, "I invited a friend to come home for dinner tonight."

"Honey," said the husband to his wife, "I invited a friend to come home for dinner tonight."
"But what are you crazy?" The house is a mess, I have not had time to go shopping, there is not a single cover and I do not feel at all in the mood to cook! "
"I know all that!"
"In that case, can you explain to me why you invited him to supper?"
"Because this poor guy is thinking about getting married."

A dietitian gave a lecture in front of a large audience.

A dietitian gave a lecture in front of a large audience.
- All the material we put in our stomach is enough to have killed you all in a few years.
Red meat is awful.
The gaseous liquors wear out the walls of the stomach.
Chinese dishes are full of MSG.
Vegetables can be disastrous, and no one realizes the long-term misdeeds of consuming water that is full of germ.
But there is one thing that is even more terrible and dangerous than we all have or will ever eat. Is there anyone in the room who can tell me which food can cause the most misery and suffering after eating?
A 75-year-old man sitting in the front row gets up and says:
Yes, the wedding cake!