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Showing posts with label ARAB JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ARAB JOKES. Show all posts

Funny Arab One Liner


70% of Palestinian males say they enjoy sex in the shower; the other 30% haven't been to prison yet.

Funny And Hilarious Arab Jokes - ''Arab Jokes''


Arab Jokes
There was a Lebanese man, a Jewish man and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through the Province.

Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.

When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Lebanese man were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Jewish man had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Jewish man was thinking: The Lebanese fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: The Jewish fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Lebanese man and got slapped for it.

And the Lebanese was thinking: This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I’ll make another kissing noise and slap the Jewish bastard again

Funny Arab one Liners - Funny And hilarious Arab Jokes


Funny Arab one Liners
What do you call a good looking Lebanese woman?

Asif.


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What do you call an arab drowning in the ocean?

Fukim.


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What do you call a good locking woman in Lebanon?

Tourist.


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What do you call 1 Lebanese man on the moon?

A Problem.


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What do you call 1000 lebenese on the moon?

A Big Problem.


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What do you call all lebenese on the moon?

Problem solved.


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What do you call a lebonese man in a line up?

Wasim.

The Arab Doctor Joke



Ahmed the Arab came to Sydney from the Middle East, and he was only here a few months when he became very Ill.

He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help Him. Finally, he went to an Arab doctor, who said, ‘Take dees bocket, go Into de odder room, shit in de bocket, piss on de shit, and den put your head Down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.’

Ahmid took The bucket, went into the other room, shit in the bucket, pissed on the shit, Bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the Doctor he said, ‘It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with Me?’

The doctor said, ‘You were homesick .’

An Arab Walks Into A Bar Joke



The President of the USA, George Bush, and his Vice President, Dick Cheney, are sitting in a bar. A Arab walks in, sees them and asks the barman, “Isn’t that the President and the Vice President sitting over there?” The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.”

So the Arab walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honour! What are you guys doing in here?” Bush says, “We’re planning World War Three.”

And the guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?” Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Arabs and one blonde with big breasts.”

The Arab exclaimed, “A blonde with big breasts? Why would you kill a blonde with big breasts?” Bush turns to Cheney and says, “See, I told you no one would care about 140 million Arabs”.

An Arab Wants A Wife Joke



US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.”

After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.”

The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”

The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”

Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip


Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip

Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of fermented goat’s milk.

One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

“This is my oldest son, he’s a martyr.”

“This is my second son. He is a martyr also.”

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully, “They blow up so fast, don’t they?”

Failed Afghan recruitment slogans



Failed Afghan recruitment slogans:

Be Allah you can be!

Martyrs have more fun!

Free camouflage turbans! Sign up today!

Uncle osama wants you!

Very Funny Arab One Liners Arab Jokes


Very Funny Arab One Liners
Arab Jokes

Q: How do you tell when an arab has gone through puberty?

A: He takes his diaper off of his ass and puts it on his head.

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Q: Why aren’t there any WalMarts in Afghanistan?

A: Because there’s a Target on every corner.

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Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a camel’s ass?

A: An Afghani mechanic.

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Q: What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?

A: map!

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Q: In Iraq, Why don’t they teach driver’s education and sex education on the same day?

A: Its just too hard for the camels…

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Q: How do you stop an Arab from drowning?

A: Take your foot off his head.

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Why are camels called “Ships of the Desert”?

Because they’re full of Arab seamen…

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When is the only time you can spit in a arab womans face?

When her mustache is on fire!

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What do you ask a man who’s just converted to Islam?

Have you started beating your wife.

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How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.

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How many Muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

What’s toilet paper?

Funny Arab Jokes Onliner



Requesting a three day pass

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"

Very Funny Arab Joke



An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of
water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the
sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a
shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers that he has
a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left in
the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie. But, this is no
ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Hassidic rabbi, complete with black
alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish
genie!"
"What do you have to lose? It looks like you're a goner anyway!" The Arab
thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I
wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."
***POOF***
The Arab finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen and he is
surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish." "My second wish is that I were rich
beyond my wildest dreams. "
***POOF***
The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold
coins and precious gems. "OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it
a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: "I wish I were
white and surrounded by beautiful women. "
***POOF***
The Arab is turned into a Tampax.

Funny Arab Joke - How Many Wives?


A German, Englishman and Arab are traveling on a train. They get bored and start telling each other about their families.
The German says, "I have 4 kids, one more and they'll make a basketball team."
The Englishman says, "Huh! That's nothing I have 10 boys; one more and I'll be the world-champion soccer-team's coach."
The Arab starts laughing. He says, "I've had 17 wives and no kids! But one more wife and I'll open a golf course!"

Funny Arab Jokes - On A boat


An Arab, a Russian, a Jamaican, and an American are on a boat. The Russian takes out a big flask of vodka, takes a sip, and then throws it over board. The American asks him why he did that. "Where I come from, we have plenty of vodka." Then, the Jamaican takes out a big roll of weed, then smokes a little puff, and throws it over board, and the American asks why he did that. "Where I come from, we have plenty of that." The Russian then asks, "There must be plenty of something where you come from."

The American then throws the Arab over board.

Funny Arab Joke



Q: Why aren’t there any Wal-Marts in Afghanistan?

A: Because there’s a Target on every corner!

Very Funny Arab Joke



4.Q: An Egyptian, A Syrian, and an Iraqi jump off a bridge, who hits the ground first?

A: Who gives a shit?

Arab Joke - Please Tell Me Why?



A young Arab asks his father "What is this weird hat that we are wearing?"

"Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun," says the father.

Then asks the son "And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?"

The father is Obliged to reply: "It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!"

The boy gets even more curious: "And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?"

Again the father lovingly explains: "These are 'babouches,' which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!"

Finally the son says, "Tell me Abba?"

"Yes my son?"

"Why the f*ck are we living in Detroit and still wearing all this shit?"

Funny Funny Arab Joke



1.A sex therapist is travelling through the Middle East getting data on goat-sex.
First he visits Mahmud, an Iraqi goat herder on the outskirts of Baghdad. "Tell me" he says, "What method do you use for goat sex?" Mahmud replies, "Well I trap her head in a fig bush then attack from behind".

Next, the therapist goes to Egypt and visits Amar who works on the banks of the Nile, and asks him the same question. "Well" says Amar, I push her into the mud and when her back legs are stuck strong I grab her from behind and give it to her real good."

Finally he Visits Abdul in the Gaza strip and again asks the same question. Abdul answers, ""I stick her left front leg over my right shoulder and her right front leg over my left shoulder and as she stands on her back legs facing me ..."

"Hold on" interrupts the researcher, "this is unusual". "Unusual?" asks Abdul, "In what way?"

"Well," says the researcher, "all the other Arabs take the goat from behind, none of them face the sheep"

"What"! exclaims Abdul, "No kissing?"

Kingly Song




There was a middle eastern king that was having money problems and decided that the only way to stay afloat was to sell his valuables. He managed to sell everything off except for the Star of the Euphrates. This was the most valuable diamond in the world.

He took it to a pawnbroker who opened him 100,000 rials for it. “What?” said the king. “I paid one million for it! Do you even know who I am?”

The pawnbroker said, “When you wish to pawn a star, it makes no difference who you are.”

Arab Jokes - Iraqi Banking



An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check.

“That’s humiliation,” shouts the Iraqi, “why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!”

The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head.

After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, “Tell me why you didn’t sign the check the first time but signed it later on?”

The Iraqi said, You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it.

Taking Out The Garbage - Arab Joke

Taking Out The Garbage - Arab Joke
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