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Showing posts with label TEACHER JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TEACHER JOKES. Show all posts

My teacher pointed me with his ruler...

My teacher pointed me with his ruler...
My teacher pointed me with his ruler...

 

Funny Math Jokes, Funny Math Jokes To Tell At School

Q: Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?A: Because it had more cents.

Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because it had too many problems. 

Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat?A: Square meals!

Q: Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?A: Class: At once!

Q: Why didn't the two 4's want any dinner?A: Because they already 8!

Q: What is a math teacher's favorite sum?A: Summer!

Q: What is a butterfly's favorite subject at school?A: Mothematics.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?A: Pumpkin Pi!

Q: What did zero say to the number eight?A: Nice belt.

Q: Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?A: Student: You told me not to use tables.

Funny History Jokes, Funny History Jokes To Tell At School

Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights!

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!

Q: How did the Vikings send secret messages?
A: By norse code!

Q: Who invented fractions?
A: Henry the 1/4th!

Q: What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
A: Floodlights!

Q: What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
A: I don't know, I wasn't invited!

Q: What's purple and 5000 miles long?
A: The grape wall of China.

Q: What did Mason say to Dixon?
A: We've got to draw the line here!

Q: Who made King Arthur's round table?
A: Sir-Cumference

Q: Who built the ark?
A: I have Noah idea!

Q: Why aren't you doing well in history?
A: Because the teacher keeps on asking about things that happened before I was born!

Q: What did Ceasar say to Cleopatra?
A: Toga-ether we can rule the world!

Q: Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had to walk 8 miles to school every day!
A: Well, he should have gotten up earlier and caught the schoolbus like everyone else!

Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom!

Q: What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
A: The same middle name!

Q: What is the fruitiest subject at school?
A: History, because it's full of dates!

Q: Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
A: Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train!

Q: When a knight was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
A: Rust in peace!

Q: How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
A: With a pair of Caesars!

Funny Teacher Jokes - Funny Jokes About Teachers To Tell At School

Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A: Because his class was so bright!

Q: Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? 
A: She couldn't control her pupils! 

Q: Teacher: Didn't I tell you to stand at the end of the line?
A: Student: I tried but there was someone already there!

Q: How is an English teacher like a judge?
A: They both give out sentences.

Q: Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn't you?
A: Student: Not really.

Q: Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A: To test the water.

Q: Teacher: If I had 6 oranges in one hand and 7 apples in the other, what would I have?
A: Student: Big hands!

Q: Teacher: If you got $20 from 5 people, what you get?
A: Student: A new bike.

Q: Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at John's exam?
A: Student: I hope you didn't either.

Q: Teacher: What is the shortest month?
A: Student: May, it only has three letters.

Q: Teacher: Answer my question at once. What is 7 plus 2?
A: Student: At once!

Q: Why did closing her eyes remind the teacher of her classroom?
A: Because there were no pupils to see.

Q: Why did the teacher turn the lights on?
A: Because her class was so dim.

Q: What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A: Pick them up and roll them back

Q: What did the ghost teacher say to the class?
A: Look at the board and I will go through it again.

Q: Why did the teacher write on the window?
A: Because she wanted the lesson to be very clear!

Funny School Jokes - Jokes To Tell At School

Here is the list of the rest of our school jokes, puns, and riddles for children and kids:

Q: What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A: You crack me up!

Q: Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
A: To reach the high notes.

Q: What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?
A: The Food!

Q: What kind of plates do they use on Venus?
A: Flying saucers!

Q: Why did nose not want to go to school?
A: He was tired of getting picked on!

Q: How do you get straight A's?
A: By using a ruler!

Q: What did the pen say to the pencil?
A: So, what's your point!

Q: Why did the kid study in the airplane?
A: Because he wanted a higher education!

Q: How did the music teacher get locked in the classroom?
A: His keys were inside the piano!

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet!

Q: What did you learn in school today?
A: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!

Q: What holds the sun up in the sky?
A: Sunbeams!

Q: What object is king of the classroom?
A: The ruler!

Q: When do astronauts eat?
A: At launch time!

Q: What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
A: Stop going in circles and get to the point!

Q: How does the barber cut the moon's hair?
A: E-clipse it!

Q: What happened when the wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution!

Q: What do librarians take with them when they go fishing?
A: Bookworms

Q: What is the world's tallest building?
A: The library because it has the most stories.

Q: What vegetables to librarians like?
A: Quiet peas.

Q: Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow?
A: It always went back four seconds.

Q: Why didn't the sun go to college?
A: Because it already had a million degrees!

A child said to his mother:

A child said to his mother:
- Today something happened at school.
The mother answers:
- Oh? What happened ?
- We all went to the park next to the school and the teacher fell into a very deep hole.
The mother then responds:
- And the teacher? She is fine ?
- Yes I think ... because after 2 hours she stopped screaming for help.

After talking about animals, the teacher checks if Toto has understood:

After talking about animals, the teacher checks if Toto has understood:
- What is the sheep for?
- To give us wool.
- What's the chicken for?
- To give us eggs.
- What is the cow for?
- To give us homework.

A SPANISH Teacher Was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated


  A  SPANISH   Teacher Was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.



    'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 

    'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz..'

    A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' 

    Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. 

    Each group was asked to give four reasons
    for its recommendation.

    The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender
    ('la computadora'), because: 

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 

    2. The native language they use to communicate
    with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

    3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 

    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one,
    you find yourself spending half your paycheck
    on accessories for it. 

    (THIS GETS BETTER!)

    The women's group, however, concluded
    that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'),
    because: 
    1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

    2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 

    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. 

    The women won.

The best jokes about teachers, teacher joke, teacher, school, school humour, public servants

The best jokes about teachers, teacher joke, teacher, school, school humour, public servants


-Inspector of the Ministry of Education
The inspector of the Ministry of Education asks a candidate :
"Can you give me 3 reasons that motivate you to become a teacher?"
The candidate answers: December, July and August.


-Spelling and grammar are original
Bloopers of spelling and grammar

• Sir please excuse the absence of my son, I used it for my Needs.

• If you do not believe the words of apology for my son, just ask his father because he is the one who makes them!

• My son does not like his mistress and my husband either.

• My daughter keeps being bothered by bigger boys during the recreations that lift her skirts to look at her or even put their fingers.

• This is my son to me and I do not have to give you valid reasons why he missed the class!

• It's not me the teacher, it's you! So do not blame my son for doing nothing at home! Everyone his job!

• Tomorrow my son will be away because I think he will be sick because it is the exam ...

• You always use big buzzwords, such as physical education, while it's never just gym ...

• My son is smart like his mother and I, it's family with us ...

• Excuse my son, he has excuses.

• My daughter still does not know how to count and we can not count on you ...

• My daughter has written oral ...

• The first time the teacher has treated my son for a stupidity, I did not react. But when he began to chatrate him every day for nothing at all, just because his head does not come back to him, I decided to take the death to the teeth.

• Having difficulty remembering, I fully agree that Delphine works in school hours.

• Excuse my son who had to come with me to my funeral ...

• I refuse to pay you school insurance for the little ones because I raise my children the hard way and if something happens to them that's how they will learn that life is not a part of pleasure .

• 2 and 2 it's 4 and all your educational reforms will not change anything!

• Calculators are fake inventions that can not even count their multiplication tables on their fingers ...

• If you continue to harass my son, I will go explain to the Minister of Culture who you really are!

• My file is called VĂ©ronique and all the boys bother her to make Pleasantries of the kind that you know well: two who hold it, three who the ..

• If Eric wrote 'fine wines' instead of 'cattle' in the dictation, first notice that he wrote it without fault, which is normal since his uncle is a winegrower in the south.

• Do not touch my daughter anymore, there is already her father for that.

• No, but look, you say you're a teacher and you do not even know how to take my daughter in the right direction!

• Feel free to hit my son if he is too disciplined.

• I allow you to educate my son like me and to teach him especially the tramps and kicks in the ass!

• Your exercise was so obvious that no one has ever understood anything.

Toto is likes with his teacher and everyone knew it, even the teacher.

Toto is likes with his teacher and everyone knew it, even the teacher. One day, the teacher makes a guessing game. And each time she asks a riddle Toto intervenes. But all his answers are wrong. To comfort him, she gently answers him each time:
- That's not the right answer Toto, but it's still nice to have tried!
At the end of the class, Toto comes to see the teacher and says:
- Me too, I have a riddle for you miss.
- Yes Toto, what is she?
- I have in my pants a little rod, hard enough, with a red tip, and that can set you on fire. What is this ? SLASH!!!
The teacher gives him one of those pairs of slaps. Toto, then in tears, takes a match out of his pocket, and says:
- It was not the right answer miss, but it's still good to have tried!

Little Thomas asks his mistress if he can talk to him after class

Little Thomas asks his mistress if he can talk to him after class.
She accepts.
- So, what do you want to tell me Thomas?
- I think I'm too smart to stay in this class, I'm bored! I would like to go directly to High School. With that, the director informed, asks Thomas if he wants to pass tests. Thomas accepts without hesitation. The director, to close the interview quickly, begins the test.
- Let's see Thomas: 36 x 49?
- 1764! ...
- And 363 x 363?
- 131769, the director ...
- Capital of Liechtenstein?
- Vaduz!
The test continues for half an hour, Thomas makes no mistake. At the end of the test, the director is satisfied but the teacher asks if she can ask questions.
Both agree, the teacher starts:
- Well, ... Thomas, ... the cow she has 4 and I have 2, what is it?
- The legs, ma'am!
- Correct. What's in your pants and not in mine?
The director is surprised at the question ...
- Pockets, Madam!
- Where do women have the most curly hairs?
The director prepares to intervene when Thomas responds
- In Africa, Madam!
- What is soft, but with the hands of a woman becomes hard?
The director opens his eyes wide, but before he has time to speak Thomas responds
- Nail polish, Madam!
- What men and we have in the middle of the legs?
- Knees, ma'am!
- Well, and what is a married woman to have wider than a single woman?
The director does not believe his ears.
- The bed, Madam!
- What is the part of my body that is often the most humid?
- Your tongue, ma'am!
- What word beginning with the letter "c" means something that can be wet or dry and that men like to look at?
- The sky, Madam!
The blowing director, sweating like a savage, decides to stop the test and exclaims:
- It's not in high school that I'm going to send you but directly to the University! Even I would have missed everything on this test!

Moral of the story: it is with the age that one becomes perverse ...

A teacher of philosophy comes to the classroom with a series of unusual objects

A teacher of philosophy comes to the classroom with a series of unusual objects that he places on his desk, facing his students.

The intrigued silence of the audience being acquired, the teacher takes a large jar of gherkins (empty and clean) and begins by filling it to the top edge of stones with a diameter between 6 and 7 cm. This finished, He asks the class if the jar is full. The students answer yes. The teacher then takes a bag filled with gravel and pours it into the jar. He shakes everything to equalize, and now the gravel fills all the empty spaces.

After completing this manipulation, the teacher asks again if the jar is now full.
The class responds, hilarious and intrigued, that yes. The teacher then takes a small bag of sand and pours the contents into the jar. Obviously, the sand is spawning a passage in the interstices that are still available, to the great satisfaction of the class.

- "See you," said the teacher, addressing his students, "I'd like you to compare this to your own existence. The big stones are really important things, like family, couple, health, These things mean that even if you lose everything else, your life will not be less fulfilled.Chipping stones represent things that are important, but not essential, such as work, home Finally, the grains of sand can be compared to unimportant things.If you first put the sand in the jar, there will not be enough space for gravel or stones. your life: if you waste your time and energy for the little things, there will never be enough time or space for what is essential to your happiness.

Do what you like, what you always postponed and listen to others. There will always be time to repair the vacuum, finish a file or wash the car. Take care of the big stones first and foremost, these are the things that really matter. The rest is only sand that flows between your fingers ".

A student gets up. He approaches the desk, grabs the jar, takes a bottle of pastis and pours the contents into the jar. The liquid is dispersed in the spaces that, obviously, still existed in the famous jar.

MORALITY:
As busy as your life is, there will always be room for a drink!
 A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said,' what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."
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