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| A collection of funny and hilarious jokes |
Jokes to tell are a great way to break the ice and bring some laughter into any situation. From funny and good jokes to clean and short jokes, there's something for everyone. Whether you prefer corny and punny jokes or knock-knock and dad jokes, these one-liner jokes are sure to put a smile on your face. So, get ready to search for the best jokes to tell and add some humor to your day! So, what are you waiting for? Start searching for the perfect joke today!
Showing posts with label BLONDE JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BLONDE JOKES. Show all posts
Hilarious Dumb Blonde Jokes
Hilarious Dumb Blonde Jokes, Short Funny Hilarious Dumb Blonde Jokes, Funny And Hilarious Dumb Blonde Jokes, Joke, Jokes
Short Hilarious Dumb Blonde Jokes
Short Hilarious Dumb Blonde Jokes, Short Funny Dumb Blonde Jokes, Blonde Jokes, Funny Blonde Jokes, Joke, Jokes
Super Funny Blonde Jokes
Super Funny Blonde Jokes, Short Funny Hilarious Dumb Blonde Jokes, Short Funny Hilarious Dumb Blonde Jokes, Funny Blond Jokes
This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.
Blonde Cop
This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for
identification.
The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t
find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”
“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks
the cop.
The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have
this picture of me.”
“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and
looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I
wouldn’t have stopped you.”
Last Thanksgiving, my mom decided to play a trick on my sister (who's blonde)
Thanksgiving Practical Joke
Last Thanksgiving, my mom decided to play a trick on my
sister (who's blonde). To get her out of the house, she convinced her that we
needed more half and half for the coffee.
While my sister was out, my mom took the turkey out of the
oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, then put it inside the
turkey, packing stuffing all around it. She then put the turkey back in the
oven.
When everything was ready, my sister took the turkey out of
the oven and began to remove the stuffing. When she felt something, she reached
in and pulled out the Cornish hen.
Pretending to be shocked, by mother exclaimed, "Patti,
you've cooked a pregnant turkey!"
My sister began to cry and was inconsolable. It took us half
an hour to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree
The Perfect Christmas Tree
Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut
down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and
walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned
the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed
warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to
protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was
covered.
They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble,
nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee
deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to
go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give
up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether
it's decorated or not!"
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy
New Puppy
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy.
The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home
and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to
tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally,
the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my
puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second
when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've
pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them
apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration,
they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to
the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is
whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart,"
says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde
finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black
one and I'll take the white one!"
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed
when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the
cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act
together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to
show it to you!”
Blondes Ice Fishing
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for
a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find
on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert
in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her
first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and
equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special
place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area,
placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a
booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the
ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved
further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started
to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish
under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this
certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved
to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain
her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools
in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this
new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is
that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE
SKATING RINK!"
Blonde Arithmetic
A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all
blondes were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the
questions.
On the day of the judging the people started off by asking,
"What is 59 + 2?"
The first blonde contestant responded by saying,
"57?"
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance,
give her another chance!"
Then they asked, "What is 15 - 5?"
The blonde responded, "20, right?"
Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give
her another chance, give her another chance!"
The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What
is 1 + 2?"
"3?" said the blonde.
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance,
give her another chance!"
Blonde jokes-Driver
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all
brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in
Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus; the blonde
team rides on the top level..
The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a
great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the
blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette
reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight
ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white
knuckles..
She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're
havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the blondes looks up and says,
"Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
Blond jokes- Difference
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen
headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Blonde jokes-Thanksgiving dinner
It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving
dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a
dinner for herself. The next day her mother called to see how everything went.
Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much
trouble trying to eat the turkey said the daughter.
Did it not taste good her mother asked.
I don't know, the blonde said. It wouldn't sit still!
Blonde jokes-New cell phone
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie,
something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a
cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her
astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he
said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice
is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
Blonde jokes-Bigger pills
A blonde went to her doctor and said,
"You prescribed birth control pills for me."
"And how is it going?" he asked.
"Okay, I think, but I'd like to have them bigger."
The doctor was surprised. "You mean stronger?"
"No, bigger, please"
"But why BIGGER?"
"Because they keep falling out."
''Funny Blonde Jokes'' Everything Is Funny
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a
drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull
over.
When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of
chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly
commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!".
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When
he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you
think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck
and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a
smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and
slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting
to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her
car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about
to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the
blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped
outside the circle
Lots of Blonde Jokes - Blonde one liners
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair
brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at
you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh
well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said
"don't walk".
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a
Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her
jigsaw puzzle in
only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of
Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still
stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the
air?
A: She missed.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's
ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade four.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use
for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found
frozen to death in
their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the
typewriters.
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