Really funny jokes-Game of darts

A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bulls eye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.

The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bulls eye!! He downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go...Two bulls eyes!!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go of the last dart.

Three bulls eyes!!!

All are astounded. No one has ever won before. The bartender searches for a prize... grabs a turtle from the bar's terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.

Three weeks pass... The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again. To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.

The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesn't know what to give, so he asks the drunk, "Say, what did you win the last time?"

And the drunk responds, "A roast beef sandwich on a hard roll!"

Good jokes - Less

A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, 'Can I have a pint of Less, please?' I'm sorry sir, 'the barman replies,

looking slightly puzzled, 'I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?'

'I've no idea, 'replies the guy, 'The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less.'

Bet With Caution

One day a drunk man told the bartender, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender grinned and said, "Okay, you drunk." The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it. After more drinks the drunk said, "I bet you $200 I can bite my left eye." The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, "Okay." The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye. The bartender, by now was really mad. After a few more drinks, the drunk said, "I'll bet you $500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar." The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay. The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won $500. In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why. The man replied, "That drunk fool bet me $1000 that he can pee on your bar and you would be happy about it!"

humorous joke - How do you call it

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says to himself, I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your penis?" The cowboy says, Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really Satisfies'."

The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a smile "TIMEX"

The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"

The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, " So, what do you guys call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?" The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY ... Like A Rock!" And gives a wink.

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.

Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN !!

Never Fight At The Bar Joke

Man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Another man in the back of the bar came to him an hit him between the shoulder blades. Knocked the man to the ground. He said: "That was Kungfu from Japan." Then went back to his seat in the back. The bartender said he is harmless, he's learning martial arts.

Half hour went by then he returned, hit the man again, knocked him off the bar stool said: "That is Kiwando from China". The man said he'd had enough of this and left.

An hour later he returned, went to the back where the man was sitting and you heard a thud on the floor. The man came to the bartender and said: "When he wakes up back there, tell him that was a crow bar from Sears!!"

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The bartender – Funny And Hilarious Bar joke

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder the bartender's face.

Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this."

Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem.

"I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they come." The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.

Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.

"I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week." He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender's face.

The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he spluttered.

"On the contrary," the man said," he's done me a world of good."

"But you just threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed.

"Yes" the man said. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore!"

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A Very Good Looking Man

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw. Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, 'Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?' 'Well,' Said the Barman, 'I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows...'

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Irish Yoga

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How To Drink Beer

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A young man enters a bar and speaks to customers sitting in the room

A young man enters a bar and speaks to customers sitting in the room:
-Someone would have lost a big wad of banknotes with a red elastic banded around?
A customer approaches visibly relieved:
-It's mine! It's mine!
-Here. I found the elastic ...

A drunk guy rings at a door at 4am. The man from the house gets up, opens and asks him

A drunk guy rings at a door at 4am. The man from the house gets up, opens and asks him, "What do you want?" the drunk man answers "Come push me! You must come push me!" Excited, the owner of the house told him: "I do not know you, it is 4 o'clock in the morning, you wake me up to tell me to push you, so let the cellar go!" He goes back to his room and goes back to bed. His wife has heard the conversation and she is not happy at all. She said to him, "Honestly honey, you disappoint me, it's happened to you already, you could have pushed this poor guy!" "Yeah, plus he's drunk ..." "Reason more to push him, he will not do it alone ... No, there, really ... I do not recognize you, I'm very disappointed your attitude ... "Then the guy gets remorseful, gets dressed and goes down. He opens the door and shouts, "Hey, I'm going to push you, where are you?" And the hot guy to answer:
"Chu, in the swing!"

It has been recently proven that beer contains hormones female

It has been recently proven that beer contains hormones
female ...
What makes that after ten beers, a man can not drive anymore!
Another proof: a man, a real one, after drinking 5 liters of beer:
- only tells bullshit,
- just get stuck in the car
- has a rounded belly
- has unpredictable behavior
- easily gets a migraine

It is 1am. In a bistro, a drunkard finally decides to go home

It is 1am. In a bistro, a drunkard finally decides to go home. He leaves the counter, completely drunk, tries to take two steps and collapses miserably on the ground: Bof, hips, a little fresh air will do me good. He crawls to the exit, clings to the hood of a car, stands up and tries to take a step and collapses miserably: Bof, I, hips, will crawl to my home, it's not far. He arrives at his door and tries to return discreetly so as not to wake his wife. He clings to the handle, pulls himself up, opens the door, leans on it, tries to walk to his room, but remains silent, but after taking a step, he collapses. He crawls to the bed and falls asleep. The next day, his wife said to him on waking: You, you still spent your evening at the bistro last night.
But how do you know?
They called this morning to say that you had forgotten your wheelchair.

40% of accidents are caused by alcohol.

40% of accidents are caused by alcohol. That means that 60% of accidents are caused by water drinkers. It is enormous!

A man in a party is addressing a young woman.
Champagne makes you pretty!
But I only drank one glass ... she answers.
Yes but I am at least my tenth glass

Compilation of alcohol jokes with or without anonymous alcoholic present in the story.

Compilation of alcohol jokes with or without anonymous alcoholic present in the story. Alcohol always brings a lot of laughter!

A drunkard walks into a bar and, as he walks towards the counter, shouts:
- All those on my right are assholes! All those on my left are shit!
A man surprised and upset by these words gets up and says:
- Hey! I'm not a shit!
The drunkard stops, looks at him and says:
- Then go to the right asshole!

A guy goes to a bar ordering a beer. He drinks it at once. look in his pocket

A guy goes to a bar ordering a beer. He drinks it at once. look in his pocket and order another. He drinks it and looks in his pocket: after doing this several times, the waiter asks him:

- Why after every beer you look in your pocket?
The guy answers him:
- In my pocket there is a picture of my wife, when I find her beautiful I will go home.

Two drunk guys talk in a bar:

Two alcoholics in a bar
Two drunk guys talk in a bar:
- Rah !!! I'm fed up, I really have a job of shit!
- Ha good, what are you doing?
- I'm a pizza delivery man. All day, I see them, I feel them, and I can not even eat them!
- I understand you ! It's the same for me !
- Ah, you're also a pizza delivery man?
- No, I'm a gynaecologist.

A muscular man enters a bar and announces:

A muscular man enters a bar and announces:
- A chocolate, otherwise ...
The bartender gets scared and serves him his chocolate. The muscular man, satisfied, goes away without paying. This scenario is repeated every day of the week.
After a week the bartender decides to react and not to prolong this intolerable situation.
The next day, the muscular man enters the bar and announces:
- A chocolate, otherwise ...
- Otherwise what ?
- Otherwise a tomato juice!

A drunk man leaves at four o'clock in the morning from a nightclub

A drunk man leaves at four o'clock in the morning from a nightclub and slowly returns to the parking lot with the help of one of his friends. He opens the door of his car, crouches on the seat and starts screaming:
- Oh bastards! They stole everything ... The scum! More car radio, more cigarette lighters, more dashboard, more steering wheel! They even took the gearshift.
- Calm down said his friend, you're sitting in the back ...