Humor joke about marriage, husband jokes, wife jokes weddings jokes

 1 - difference between a happy marriage and a fairy tale

What is the difference between a happy marriage and a fairy tale?
Fairy tales, it happened at least once.


 2 - 50 years of marriage

It is a couple of old married who celebrate their 50 years of marriage ...
The man said to his wife:
- After so much time together, you can confess if you cheated on me ...
His hesitant wife said to him:
- You remember that the loan for the house had been refused and that two days later, the banker rang to say he was accepted ?!
Ben .....
- Ah, you only cheated me once?
- Ben no ... The time you almost lost your job ... the week after, your boss told you that he kept you and you were never worried later ... Well ...
- Bah, twice and more for good causes, I forgive you ... That's all?
- Well no. Do you remember when you put yourself on the electoral lists?
- Yes and so ?
- you missed 2500 votes ...

 3 - After dating my fiancee

After dating my fiancee for a year, we decided to get married next month. My future mother-in-law is awesome and, moreover, terribly sexy. She took care of all the preparations herself: wedding, church, music, photographer, dinner, flowers, etc. Yesterday she asked me to go to her house to see the list of guests.
When she arrived at her house, she told me that she found me to be a very attractive man, that in a month I would be married and that nothing would be possible after that, and that she would like us to make love like beasts. Then she gets up and sensually heads to the bedroom.
I remained standing, surprised and finally I ran towards the exit door.
Arrived outside, leaning against the hood of my car, her smiling husband explains to me that they had simply wanted to make sure that their dear daughter was going to marry an honest and faithful man, by testing me that way and therefore congratulates me on my reaction.
Conclusion: fortunately I had my condoms in the car ...

 4 - At the wedding

It is a man who after five years of life with his girlfriend decides to get married, but he does not know too much the customs about the offering to the priest, at the end of the marriage, he talks about it to the priest who tells him :
- In fact more the bride and pretty more is expensive!
So the young man looks at his girlfriend and puts his hand in his pocket and takes out a 1 euro coin and the priest says:
- Wait! I give you change.

 5 - Wedding joke

When I was younger, I hated to go to weddings because my old aunts and grandparents came near me, gave me a big slap on the back, throwing a merry:
- You're next, kid!
- They stopped this stupid joke when I started to do them at funerals!

 6 - Confession before marriage

He's going to get married, he's going to confess a few hours before the ceremony.
When the priest has finished, he asks him:
"What penance do you order me, father?
- None, my son you're getting married, it's already enough like that!


 7 - Two soldiers training

Two soldiers training:
-Why are you engaged in the army ...
-Because I'm single and I like war ... And you ...
I am married and I wanted peace!

 8 - Riddle husbands and lawn mowers

What are the commonalities between husbands and lawn mowers?
They are difficult to start, they are smelly, and they do not work most of the time.

 9 - groom and a dog

What is the difference between a bridegroom and a dog?
After a year of marriage, the dog is still excited to see you.

 10 - The love before marriage

Why are the priests against love before marriage?
Because it delays the ceremony!