Funny Joes To Tell : TRY SAYING vs INSTEAD OF

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
> throughout the company have been using foul language during the course
> of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received
> from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language
> will be no longer tolerated. We do however, realize the critical
importance
> of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with
> co-workers. Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been
> provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in
> an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive
employees.
>
> TRY SAYING:    Perhaps I can work late.
> INSTEAD OF:    And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
>
> TRY SAYING:    I'm certain that isn't feasible.
> INSTEAD OF:    No fucking way.
>
> TRY SAYING:    Really?
> INSTEAD OF:    You've got to be shitting me!
>
> TRY SAYING:    Perhaps you should check with...
> INSTEAD OF:    Tell someone who gives a shit.
>
> TRY SAYING:    I wasn't involved in the project.
> INSTEAD OF:    It's not my fucking problem.
>
> TRY SAYING:    That's interesting.
> INSTEAD OF:    What the fuck?
>
> TRY SAYING:    I'm not sure this can be implemented.
> INSTEAD OF:    This shit won't work.
>
> TRY SAYING:    He's not familiar with the issues.
> INSTEAD OF:    He's got his head up his ass.
>
> TRY SAYING:    Excuse me, sir?
> INSTEAD OF:    Eat shit and die.
>
> TRY SAYING:    So you weren't happy with it?
> INSTEAD OF:    Kiss my ass.
>
> TRY SAYING:    I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
> INSTEAD OF:    Fuck it, I'm on salary.
>
> TRY SAYING:    I don't think you understand.
> INSTEAD OF:    Shove it up your ass.
>
> TRY SAYING:    I love a challenge.
> INSTEAD OF:    This job sucks.
>
> TRY SAYING:    You want me to take care of that?
> INSTEAD OF:    Who the hell died and made you boss?
>
> TRY SAYING:    I see.
> INSTEAD OF:    Blow me.
>
> TRY SAYING:    He's somewhat insensitive.
> INSTEAD OF:    He's a prick.
>
> TRY SAYING:    She's an aggressive go-getter.
> INSTEAD OF:    She's a ball-busting bitch.
>
> TRY SAYING:    I think you could use more training.
> INSTEAD OF:    You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
>
> Thank You,
>
> Human Resources
01 09 10