Funny Jokes : In order to assure the highest levels of quality and productivity from employees

In order to assure the highest levels of quality and productivity from employees it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.)

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you are not receiving your fair share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will immediately be placed on the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and they are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle. Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).

Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may be interested in job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURED LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.)

If you have any other questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING, (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.)

Thank you.
BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Funny Jokes - A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a
little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

"Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket
for a safety violation.

The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light
on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
"Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said,
"Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not
on top."

Jokes To Tell - Sexual Harassment

Sexual Harassment

>Every day, a male co-worker walks up very  close to a lady standing at
>the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her
>hair smells nice.
>After a week of  this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint
>to a supervisor  in the personnel department and states that she wants
>to
>write a sexual  harassment grievance against him.
>The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks,
>"What's sexually threatening about a  co-worker telling you your hair
>smells nice?"

>The woman replies,  "It's Keith, the  midget."

Jokes To Tell - IN PRISON or AT WORK

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10x10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK..........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.