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| Dear parents ; You cannot blame us |
Showing posts with label JOKES TO TELL. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JOKES TO TELL. Show all posts
A boss asks his secretary to write him a letter of recommendation for his superiors. Here is his text!
A boss asks his secretary to write him a letter of recommendation for his superiors. Here is his text!
My boss is always
working at his desk diligently, without ever
wasting time chatting with colleagues. He never
refuses to spend time helping others and, despite this, he
completes projects on time. Very often, it lengthens his
hours to complete his work, sometimes even skipping
coffee breaks. He is a person who has absolutely no
vanity despite his remarkable accomplishments and great
computer skills. This is the kind of employee from whom we
speaks with great esteem and respect, the kind of person you don't
can happen. I firmly believe that he is ready for the
promotion he is asking for, considering all he tells us
gate. The company will come out a big winner.
Not bad is not it ?
But, here's what she really thinks...
Reread the text, reading only every other line...
A man calls his wife and asks her
A man calls his wife and asks her, "Honey, I have been invited for a fishing trip with my boss and a few of his friends. We will be gone for a week. This represents a good opportunity for me to get this promotion I've been waiting for so long. So can you please pack me a suitcase with enough clothes for a whole week and get my line and tackle box ready... We'll be leaving straight from the office and I'll be driving by the house quickly to get my things. Oh, please can you also put my new blue silk pyjamas in my luggage". The wife finds her husband's story very strange, but being the good wife she is, she does exactly what her husband asked her to. The following week, the husband returned home a little tired but overall happy with his trip. His wife welcomes him home and asks him if he caught any fish and how much he caught? He replies: "Oh yes, lots of salmon, sunfish and a few swordfish. But by the way, why didn't you put my new blue silk pyjamas in my luggage like I asked you to?"
You will love the answer ladies....
"Well yes I put it, it was in your tackle box!"
A woman enters a pharmacy and asks for arsenic
A woman enters a pharmacy and asks for arsenic... - What do you intend to do with it? asks the pharmacist, suspicious - It's to kill my husband... - What? You are kidding! I can't sell you arsenic! Very calmly the woman then opens her handbag, and takes out a photo of her husband sleeping with the pharmacist's wife...
- Ah, of course, said the pharmacist, if you have a prescription, it's different...
A man just bought a lie detector robot and he can't wait to try it.
A man just bought a lie detector robot and he can't wait to try it.
Her 14-year-old son comes home from school 2 hours late.
Father: Are you late, where have you been all this time?
The son: I stayed at school to prepare a homework!
That's when the robot goes to the son and gives him a good slap...
Father: As you see, this robot is a lie detector, and you better tell the truth...
Son: Ok...I was at a friend's house and we watched the movie "The 10 Commandments".
Then the robot gives him a good slap again.
The son: Ok I lied it was a porn movie...
Father: I'm ashamed of you! When I was your age I never lied to my parents!
the robot then goes to the father and gives him a good slap...
The exasperated mother then says: well, decidedly he is as much a liar as you, he is your son...
The robot suddenly turns towards the mother and gives her a good smack... :)
A friend confidences to his friend
A friend confidences to his friend: I try to make friends outside of facebook by applying the same principles... every day when I meet people in the street, I tell them what I ate, what I did the day before, what I'm going to do tomorrow, I give them pictures of my family, of the dog, of me when I took my last drink, and of me in the swimming pool... so I listen to what they tell me and I tell them that "I like"....
Ha yes and it works?... of course, I already have 3 people following me... 2 policemen and a psychiatrist!
Two men in their 60s talk about aging and one says to the other
Two men in their 60s talk about aging and one says to the other... the worst is our women, they refuse to admit that they are getting old and always try to hide their age.
You're right, but I've found a good trick to play with them... if you want to know if your wife is starting to be deaf, stand 10 meters away from her and ask her a question. Then, when you see that she's not responding, move forward 5 meters. Then 2 meters. Then 1 meter. And there, she will have to realize that she is starting to go deaf!
The guy finds the idea very good and on his way home, he stands 10 meters from his wife and asks her in a loud voice, "what are we eating for supper?" No answer... He then approaches 5 meters away and asks again, "what are we having for supper?" No answer... He approaches again, 2 meters away, and asks again, "what are we having for supper?" No answer yet... the guy can't believe it! He then approaches within 1 meter and yells, "what are we having for supper?"
His wife turns around and shouts, "FOR THE FOURTH TIME, LASAGNA!"
Two policemen make their rounds at 2:30 a.m
Two policemen make their rounds at 2:30 a.m. in front of the bars and see a guy staggering towards his vehicle who drops his keys three times.
They hide in the back of the parking lot and observe the scene. Four of the guy's friends walk up to him and yell, Hey Rick! Come with us, we'll bring you back, you're clearly in no condition to drive! But Rick insists for a long time to take his vehicle in spite of the offer of his friends. While his friends each take their respective vehicle, the police wait impatiently for the man to take the road to intercept him. Five minutes go by, ten minutes, fifteen minutes and the man still hasn't left.
Finally the engine starts and the man hits the road. He is not 100 feet away when the police intercept him and make him blow into the balloon. Result: zero point zero blood alcohol level.
The police stun, change the batteries of their breathalyzer and start the test again... Still zero. One of the police then asks the man to explain the situation to him.
The man replied: Well tonight it was my turn!
Your turn, what the policeman answered.
My turn to pretend to be drunk so that my friends can leave with their cars....
An American arrives in Paris and takes a taxi.
An American arrives in Paris and takes a taxi. The taxi passes in front of the Arc de Triomphe, the tourist then asks: - What is that? - This is our triumphal arch. - How long did it take you to build this? - Almost 30 years I think... - With us in Texas, it takes 3 days!
The taxi passes in front of Notre-Dame: - What is that? - This is Notre-Dame, the cathedral of Paris. - How long did it take you to build this? - Oh, almost a century, no doubt. - With us, in Texas, 6 days.
The driver begins to get upset with the tourist. They pass in front of the Eiffel Tower: - What is that?
- That ? I do not know. It wasn't there this morning!
An elderly woman has a heart attack,
An elderly woman has a heart attack, and ends up in the hospital. On the operating table, close to death, she lives an experience. She sees god and asks him... am I going to die? God answers her, well no, you still have 45 years, 3 months and 7 days to live.
When she got out of the hospital, she decided to have her face lifted, do liposuction, inject collagen into her lips, have her breasts redone, have her hair dyed and a new hairstyle. .. Since she still had to live a long time, it was worth it. After her last operation, she walks out of the beauty clinic, crosses the street, and gets hit by a truck. Arrived in heaven in front of God, she is very angry, she says to God "What's the Joke ???... It seems to me that I had to live even more than 40 years !!! Why don't you tell me avoid this collision with this truck ???...
And God answers, it's very simple I didn't recognize you... :)
Kevin has shingles
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office
should appreciate this!
Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running
their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Kevin:
Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address,
medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had....
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight,
a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test,
an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the Doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude
and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck.
Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
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| Jokestotell.com |
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| Jokestotell.com |
HOPE THIS MAKES YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD LIKE I DID....
THAT'S WHY WE HAD TO SEND THIS TO YOU....
THESE DAYS WE NEED ALL THE LAUGHS WE CAN Get
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