- So who do you take for today?
- God told me that I was the pope.
At this moment another madman goes by, who cries out:
- It's not true, I never told him anything.
Jokes to tell are a great way to break the ice and bring some laughter into any situation. From funny and good jokes to clean and short jokes, there's something for everyone. Whether you prefer corny and punny jokes or knock-knock and dad jokes, these one-liner jokes are sure to put a smile on your face. So, get ready to search for the best jokes to tell and add some humor to your day! So, what are you waiting for? Start searching for the perfect joke today!
Showing posts with label DOCTOR JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DOCTOR JOKES. Show all posts
It's a doctor who says to a madman:
It's a doctor who says to a madman:
- So who do you take for today?
- God told me that I was the pope.
At this moment another madman goes by, who cries out:
- It's not true, I never told him anything.
- So who do you take for today?
- God told me that I was the pope.
At this moment another madman goes by, who cries out:
- It's not true, I never told him anything.
It's two couples who are used to meeting each weekend, to play cards.
It's two couples who are used to meeting each weekend, to play cards.
But one day, they decide, to change, to test a new game, whose goal is to guess a job just by mimicking it.
One of two women starts: she removes her shirt, her bra and takes both breasts to plain hand.
So, what do you think is the job I'm doing?
Everyone is looking at each other and waiting for the answer:
Well, it's doctor (my two breasts)
The other woman, too, wants to try to mimic a job. She removes her shirt, her bra, takes her two nipples and makes them touch with each other.
So, in your opinion, what is the job that I mime?
Nobody knows ....
Well, it's saddler (connected ends)
It's now the turn of one of the two guys
He takes off his pants, his panties and takes his member in the hand, then wraps in a towel.
So, in your opinion, what is the job that I mime?
But no one here yet knows .... and everyone is anxiously waiting for his answer.
Well, he's a baker.
The second guy says he did not understand the previous word games ...
The other three decide to explain to him. They then take a paper or they make a list and write:
baker = butt end, saddler = tied ends, doctor = my two breasts.
The man in question then takes the list and puts it in the ass.
The others look at him in astonishment and ask him what he's doing?
Well whats my job !!!!
Well, it's oculist!
But one day, they decide, to change, to test a new game, whose goal is to guess a job just by mimicking it.
One of two women starts: she removes her shirt, her bra and takes both breasts to plain hand.
So, what do you think is the job I'm doing?
Everyone is looking at each other and waiting for the answer:
Well, it's doctor (my two breasts)
The other woman, too, wants to try to mimic a job. She removes her shirt, her bra, takes her two nipples and makes them touch with each other.
So, in your opinion, what is the job that I mime?
Nobody knows ....
Well, it's saddler (connected ends)
It's now the turn of one of the two guys
He takes off his pants, his panties and takes his member in the hand, then wraps in a towel.
So, in your opinion, what is the job that I mime?
But no one here yet knows .... and everyone is anxiously waiting for his answer.
Well, he's a baker.
The second guy says he did not understand the previous word games ...
The other three decide to explain to him. They then take a paper or they make a list and write:
baker = butt end, saddler = tied ends, doctor = my two breasts.
The man in question then takes the list and puts it in the ass.
The others look at him in astonishment and ask him what he's doing?
Well whats my job !!!!
Well, it's oculist!
A doctor has an extra marital adventure with his nurse. She tells him one morning that she is pregnant.
A doctor has an extra marital adventure with his nurse. She tells him one morning that she is pregnant.
Since the doctor does not want his wife to have the slightest doubt, he
give the nurse a good amount of money to pay for a long trip to Italy.
The nurse asks:
- But how will I let you know that the baby is born?
It's simple, he says. Send me a postcard and just write SPAGHETTI on it.
Six months later, his wife phones him at the office and tells him that he has received a strange postcard from Italy, which she does not understand. He tells him :
- When I'm home, I'll explain.
In the evening, when he arrives at the house, he looks at the map and falls to the ground, victim of cardiac arrest.
The paramedics arrive shortly thereafter, and giving her first aid, ask the wife how her heart attack has arrived.
The wife explains to them that it is at the reading of the card that it collapsed and she reads the text of the card:
- Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, two with dumplings and two without meatballs ......
Since the doctor does not want his wife to have the slightest doubt, he
give the nurse a good amount of money to pay for a long trip to Italy.
The nurse asks:
- But how will I let you know that the baby is born?
It's simple, he says. Send me a postcard and just write SPAGHETTI on it.
Six months later, his wife phones him at the office and tells him that he has received a strange postcard from Italy, which she does not understand. He tells him :
- When I'm home, I'll explain.
In the evening, when he arrives at the house, he looks at the map and falls to the ground, victim of cardiac arrest.
The paramedics arrive shortly thereafter, and giving her first aid, ask the wife how her heart attack has arrived.
The wife explains to them that it is at the reading of the card that it collapsed and she reads the text of the card:
- Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, two with dumplings and two without meatballs ......
You leave him looking for an excuse, but he refuses to be balanced and he approaches you
The first time for a girl.
This is your first time. As you lie back, your muscles relax. You leave him looking for an excuse, but he refuses to be balanced and he approaches you. He asks you if you're afraid, but you shake your head bravely. He had more experience, but this is the first time his finger finds the right place. He discovers deeply and you shudder; your body is stretched; but he is gentle as he had promised. He looks deep into your eyes and tells you to trust him, he has asked you several times before. His smile reassures you and you open bigger to give him more room for easy entry. You begin to beg him and you urge him to hurry, but he takes his time slowly, wanting to cause you the least possible harm. As he presses harder, goes further, you feel the skin go away; the pain comes out of your body and you feel the thin stream of blood as it continues. He looks at you, attentive, and asks you if it hurts too much. Your eyes are full of tears, but you shake your head and you do not tell him to continue. He starts to come in and out cleverly, but you are too numb to feel it in you. After a few moments, you feel something coming out of you and he gets out of you, you remain panting, happy to have finished. he looks at you and smiles at you warmly, tells you that you have been his most stubborn reward until now. You smile and thank YOUR DENTIST. After all, it was the first time you had a tooth pulled out.
Naughty Strip, I know, what were you thinking!
This is your first time. As you lie back, your muscles relax. You leave him looking for an excuse, but he refuses to be balanced and he approaches you. He asks you if you're afraid, but you shake your head bravely. He had more experience, but this is the first time his finger finds the right place. He discovers deeply and you shudder; your body is stretched; but he is gentle as he had promised. He looks deep into your eyes and tells you to trust him, he has asked you several times before. His smile reassures you and you open bigger to give him more room for easy entry. You begin to beg him and you urge him to hurry, but he takes his time slowly, wanting to cause you the least possible harm. As he presses harder, goes further, you feel the skin go away; the pain comes out of your body and you feel the thin stream of blood as it continues. He looks at you, attentive, and asks you if it hurts too much. Your eyes are full of tears, but you shake your head and you do not tell him to continue. He starts to come in and out cleverly, but you are too numb to feel it in you. After a few moments, you feel something coming out of you and he gets out of you, you remain panting, happy to have finished. he looks at you and smiles at you warmly, tells you that you have been his most stubborn reward until now. You smile and thank YOUR DENTIST. After all, it was the first time you had a tooth pulled out.
Naughty Strip, I know, what were you thinking!
Super Funny Jokes : Going Nuts
Going Nuts
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When
the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up
nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After
the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all
broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot
dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in
progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, "Everything was fine until some guy walked by and
yelled, "PEANUTS!"
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When
the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up
nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After
the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all
broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot
dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in
progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, "Everything was fine until some guy walked by and
yelled, "PEANUTS!"
Hilarious Jokes : A wealthy hospital benefactor was visiting the local hospital
A wealthy hospital benefactor was visiting
the local hospital, when, during
>her tour of floors, she passed a room where a male patient was
>masturbating.
>
>"Oh my GOD!" said the woman, "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"
>
>The doctor who was leading the tour explained, "I'm sorry, but this man
>has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen.
>If he doesn't do that five times a day, they will explode, and he'll die
>within minutes."
> >
>"Oh, that's terrible," said the woman.
> >
>In the very next room, they saw a female nurse who was performing oral sex
>on another male patient. "OH, my GOD!" said the woman, "How can that be
>justified?!?"
> >
>The doctor replied, "Same illness, better health plan."
>her tour of floors, she passed a room where a male patient was
>masturbating.
>
>"Oh my GOD!" said the woman, "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"
>
>The doctor who was leading the tour explained, "I'm sorry, but this man
>has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen.
>If he doesn't do that five times a day, they will explode, and he'll die
>within minutes."
> >
>"Oh, that's terrible," said the woman.
> >
>In the very next room, they saw a female nurse who was performing oral sex
>on another male patient. "OH, my GOD!" said the woman, "How can that be
>justified?!?"
> >
>The doctor replied, "Same illness, better health plan."
Funny Jokes : Subject: Fw: We're all getting older
Subject: Fw: We're all getting older.
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The
doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave
him the jar, which was as clean
and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the
man
explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but
nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still
nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then
her left, still nothing. She tried with
her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still
nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady
next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she
even tried squeezin' it between her
knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried we still couldn't
get
the jar open!"
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The
doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave
him the jar, which was as clean
and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the
man
explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but
nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still
nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then
her left, still nothing. She tried with
her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still
nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady
next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she
even tried squeezin' it between her
knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried we still couldn't
get
the jar open!"
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