1.
I told my suitcase there will be no vacations this year.
Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
2.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
3.
I started a band called 1023MB.
We haven’t gotten a gig yet.
4.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
5.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
6.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey…
But I turned myself around.
7.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up.
8.
I just got fired from the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
9.
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta.
10.
I asked my dog what’s two minus two.
He said nothing.
----------------------------------------
"The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved."
"My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals."
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.