The Diet - What It Says / What You Really Do - Funny Joke



WHAT THE DIET SAYS

Breakfast---

1/2 grapefruit
black coffee
1 piece dry toast
1 sm. glass skim milk


Lunch

1 lettuce leaf
2 tomato slices
2 oz. broiled chicken
4 carrot sticks
1 whole wheat roll with 1 tsp reduced-calorie butter
1 cup red jello


Dinner

1/2 cup salad
1 tsp low fat Italian dressing
4 oz. hamburger patty
2 1/2 slices canned pear
1/4 cup cottage cheese
slice wheat bread

also--8 glasses of water


This is how it really turns out................

8 a.m. --Breakfast--
You skip breakfast. You're not hungry, and this gives you an extra
100 calories for the day.

10 a.m.--
You decide to have that black coffee as you see the doughnuts being
brought into the office. You drink your first glass of water,
proudly resisting the doughnuts.

11 a.m.--
You are hungry and have a hard time concentrating on your work.
You look forward to lunch.

12 p.m. --Lunch---
You hungrily eat everything on your diet, including the jello,
which you have hated since you were a child because of that time
when you got your tonsils taken out and they gave you jello at
every meal.

1 p.m.--
You drink your second glass of water for the day.

1:30 p.m.--
You drink your 3rd and 4th glass of water for the day.

2 p.m.--
You drink your 5th and 6th glass of water for the day. You marvel
at how a person can be hungry and nauseous at the same time. Your
co-worker has popcorn at her desk and you smell it but are too sick
to even want any. She offers you some and you decline, telling her
how little you've eaten today and how the smell of the popcorn doesn't
even tempt you. She is impressed.

3 p.m.--
You are hungry. You know that another co-worker has candy on her
desk and there is an open invitation to take some. You do, after all,
have an extra 100 calories for the day. You restrict yourself to one
piece of candy, proud of your willpower. You are still 50 calories
ahead.

3:30 p.m.--
You are still hungry. Your mind wanders. You remember the Tic Tacs
in your desk -- only 2 calories apiece. You eat two. 46 calories left.

3:45 p.m.--
You eat two more Tic Tacs. 42 calories left.

4 p.m.--
You eat the rest of the pack of Tic Tacs. You are in the negative,
but optimistic. You'll skip the pear at dinner.

5 p.m.--
You are famished. You drink the last 2 glasses of water to get you
through to dinnertime.

5:30 p.m.--
You arrive home. A bag of potato chips is blocking the way to the
hamburger helper that you will be using to make the family dinner.
After thinking twice about it you rip open the package and eat one chip.

5:35--
You eat one more chip.

6:30 p.m.--
You eat the rest of the package of potato chips, 6 tablespoons of
Hamburger Helper as you cook it, and then have with a pint of Haagen
Daz. You tell the family that you are doing too well on your diet to
ruin it with dinner. They are impressed.

01 09 10