A Cook's Dictionary Jokes

Oven Mitt: A partially charred grease stain that fits over the hand.

Picnic: Any meal eaten more than 100 yards from the nearest bathroom.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy in utensils you don't own to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.

Sugar: One of a class of carbohydrates present in one form or another in all foods. Common sources of sugar and the types they contain are: fructose and glucose (fruit juice and honey); lactose (milk); sucrose (sugar cane or sugar beets); maltose (malt); and jocose, verbose, morose, lachrymose, bellicose, and comatose (alcohol).

Taste: 1. The ability to distinguish between, say, Tripes a la mode de Caen and chocolate pudding. 2. The critical discernment necessary to choose the chocolate pudding.

Timer: Adjustable clock that rings or otherwise signals when a particular dish is overcooked
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